Spiky stilettos, steel heels, and devotion. Teaching good boys to goon for real! Better late than never, isn't it? The audio (my voice) is on. Let's aim for originality and sincerity in this column—no clichés and nonsense. Every third subby newcomer in my DM comes with this: "Mistress, I'm a weak, pathetic Gooner". The phrase is self-contradictory and illogical because it questions how a Gooner could be considered weak. Have you ever wondered how long it takes to help a patient with premature ejaculation gain control? The process typically spans two to seven months, but the results can be life-changing. I mean a genuine gooning process. A Gooner cannot be weak at all since it takes self-control and discipline to gain the skill to listen to their body that well. Oh, and let's not forget the word "pathetic." If you can engage in such complicated exercises for hours—or at least 30 minutes—and are willing to pay me at least £350 per hour, which is $455, then which part of this PATHETIC?